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Post by Porridge{QAW} on Aug 23, 2010 13:39:14 GMT -5
A woman is at the grocery store, checking out with a dozen organic eggs, a half gallon of milk, some carrots, and a loaf of bread. The cashier tells her, "You must be single." "That's amazing," she replies, absolutely flattered, "How did you know?" "Because you're ugly." ummm.....
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Post by SCOUT on Aug 23, 2010 14:20:55 GMT -5
A drunk walks out of a bar and sees a nun standing at a bus stop. He walks up to her and punches her in the face. When she falls to the ground, he starts screaming, "You're not so tough now, are you, Batman?"
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Sgt. AWOLaLot
Server Admin
"Ah yes! I was wondering what would break first. Your spirit... or your body."
Posts: 1,202
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Post by Sgt. AWOLaLot on Aug 23, 2010 15:33:16 GMT -5
It's the early 1800s. A captain and his crew are on this old warship. The captains lookout says,"I see an enemy ship on the horizon." The captain then says to his assistant," Get me my red shirt." His assistant gives him his red shirt, and the battle begins. It goes on for hours, and the captain didn't lose one man. After the battle is over his assistant asks,"Why did you tell me to get your red shirt?" The captain replies," So that if I get shot the crew won't notice me bleeding, and they wouldn't be distracted." Then is lookout says," 20 enemy ships on the horizon." The captain tells his assistant," Get me my brown pants!"
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Post by SCOUT on Aug 23, 2010 19:27:56 GMT -5
A baby seal walks into a bar. "What can I get you?" asks the bartender. "Anything but a Canadian Club," replies the seal.
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Post by Porridge{QAW} on Aug 23, 2010 20:50:15 GMT -5
Hahaha nice. IMO that cashier in the first joke seemed like a total jerk.
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Post by <AL>{QAW} on Aug 23, 2010 21:40:47 GMT -5
IMO that cashier in the first joke seemed like a total jerk. ya and i bet he had on brown pants as well.. ;D
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Post by <AL>{QAW} on Aug 23, 2010 21:42:35 GMT -5
what do you call a blonde skeleton squatting in the back of a closet..
Last years blonde hide and seek winner.
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Post by SCOUT on Aug 23, 2010 22:08:47 GMT -5
If a man speaks in a forest and there isn't a woman around to hear him, is he still wrong?
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Sgt. AWOLaLot
Server Admin
"Ah yes! I was wondering what would break first. Your spirit... or your body."
Posts: 1,202
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Post by Sgt. AWOLaLot on Aug 24, 2010 12:04:11 GMT -5
I'm going to do some "You might be redneck" so this is obviously stolen from Jeff Foxworthy. By the way, if they don't seem funny at first, read through them again but imagine someone is saying them with a southern drawl. If you stare at an orange juice carton that says concentrate, you might be redneck. If your underwear also passes off as you swimming suite, you might be a redneck. If you mow your lawn and find a car, you might be redneck. If your lawn furniture used to be your house furniture, you might be redneck. Here's my favorite:If your dad walks you to school because you're in the same grade, you might be a redneck. Unfortunately this is all true for me, so I guess I'm a redneck .
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Post by Porridge{QAW} on Aug 24, 2010 14:24:48 GMT -5
Q. What's pink and fluffy A. Sloniu{QAW} Q. What's blue and fluffy A. Sloniu{QAW} holding his breath
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Post by I3lessed on Aug 24, 2010 19:53:40 GMT -5
hahaha porridge the first joke was def. the funniest and hass the first clue that your not a redneck: you have internet. lol
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Post by <AL>{QAW} on Aug 29, 2010 20:56:59 GMT -5
might want to delete this one but here goes.
why did cavemen drag cave women by their hair and not they feet..
so they dont fill up with sand..
ewwwww ;D
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Post by Sloniu{QAW} on Aug 30, 2010 7:59:07 GMT -5
Muahahahahahahaha <AL>! ;D Nasty one! Ohhhh, I became a part of joke? Great! Like it Porr.. Even if second one took me a few to understand ;D
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Deleted
Deleted Member
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Post by Deleted on Aug 30, 2010 9:49:41 GMT -5
Here are some books ya gotta check out! 100yrds to the outhouse, by didimakeit. Brown stains on the wall by,whoflungpoo. stained sheets by,masterbaiter. Kick in the crotch by, onehunglow. Yellow drawers by, ipdaily A pregnent woman with triplets walks into a bank to make a deposit a banke robberr walks in shortly after. He shoots the woman three times in the stomach, she gets rushed to the hospital. Luckily the woman her two little girls and little boy survived but the doctor had to leave the bullets in because the surgery was to risky. Fourteen years pass not a problem until one day one of her daughters came to her crying and scared the mother says what's wrong dear the daughter say I was peeing and this bullet came out the mother says don't worry and sits her down and tells all about what happend fourteen years ago. Two weeks pass and her other daughter comes crying and scared so her mother tells her the story. A week goes by and now the son comes crying to his mother and she goes I know,I know let me guess you peed and a bullet came out. He goes still crying no mommy I was jerking off and I shot the dog!
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Post by <AL>{QAW} on Aug 30, 2010 16:45:12 GMT -5
reminded me of a duck hunting joke sorta......long story short the worst duck hunter in the world said......i dunno maybe i wasnt throwing the dog high enough
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Post by Porridge{QAW} on Aug 31, 2010 13:55:29 GMT -5
Three guys, stranded on a desert island, find a magic lantern containing a genie, who grants them each one wish. The first guy wishes he was off the island and back home. The second guy wishes the same. The third guy says "I’m lonely. I wish my friends were back here."
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Post by SCOUT on Aug 31, 2010 22:13:52 GMT -5
A neutron walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender sets the beer down and says, "For you, no charge!"
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Post by Zohar{QAW} on Sept 1, 2010 0:26:09 GMT -5
A neutron walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender sets the beer down and says, "For you, no charge!" ;D ;D along those lines: A, C and E walk into a bar. The bartender says "sorry, we don't serve minors here".
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Post by SCOUT on Sept 1, 2010 13:52:45 GMT -5
A dog with his leg wrapped in bandages hobbles into a saloon. He slides up to the bar and announces: "I'm lookin' fer the man that shot my paw."
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Post by Porridge{QAW} on Sept 1, 2010 14:15:40 GMT -5
A, C and E walk into a bar. The bartender says "sorry, we don't serve minors here". I'm assuming that you've got to know guitar chords (Am) to get this joke? ;D
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Post by Porridge{QAW} on Sept 1, 2010 14:17:01 GMT -5
A guy shows up late for work. The boss yells "You should have been here at 8:30!" he replies - "Why? What happened at 8:30?"
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Deleted
Deleted Member
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Post by Deleted on Sept 2, 2010 8:01:30 GMT -5
A guy shows up late for work. The boss yells "You should have been here at 8:30!" he replies - "Why? What happened at 8:30?" Oh, I'll remember that one when I'm late! Which is often
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Post by Porridge{QAW} on Sept 3, 2010 9:03:17 GMT -5
A guy is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can. Three years later, there’s a knock on the door. He opens it and sees the same snail. The snail says "What the hell was that all about?"
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Post by SCOUT on Sept 3, 2010 11:02:33 GMT -5
What does a farmer and a pimp have in common?
They both like to throw a ho down.
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Sgt. AWOLaLot
Server Admin
"Ah yes! I was wondering what would break first. Your spirit... or your body."
Posts: 1,202
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Post by Sgt. AWOLaLot on Sept 3, 2010 13:08:59 GMT -5
3 guys walk into a bar. You think one of them would have seen it!
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Deleted
Deleted Member
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Post by Deleted on Sept 4, 2010 6:53:52 GMT -5
3 guys walk into a bar. You think one of them would have seen it! ... I laughed harder then I should have
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DaBastard
Server Admin
a covy let me in ;)
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Post by DaBastard on Sept 4, 2010 14:28:57 GMT -5
oooh, i like this thread , Porr., you always start grood threads. What's the worst thing about about f**king a cow? Everytime you want to kiss her, you gotta git off the stump and walk around front. ............................ 3 guys sitting around a campfire tellin' stories, they get on the topic of 'pain'. 1st guy:"Oh I know pain, once I was hammering a nail, missed, and squashed my thumb as big as a silver dollar!" 2nd guy:"Pfft, that's not pain, once I had a hang-nail. I grabbed it and pulled it, and it peeled skin all the way up to my elbow!" 1st guy:"wow!, that must have been painful!" 3rd guy:"Pfft, that's not pain, once I was out in the woods hunting, I squatted down to have a shit and 'SLAM!', bear trap right on my bag!!" other guys wince and say "OMG, that must have been painful!!" 3rd guy:"Ha!, I didn't feel pain until I got to the end of the chain!" ............................ What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs at your front door? Matt On the bottom of the ocean? Sandy With 2 tires? Axel Hanging on the wall? Art Floating in the water? Bob ............................ What do you call a room full of women with PMS and yeast infections? Whine & Cheese party... (ewww...direct your letters to Porridge, he started this ) ............................ A fella went up into the woods to work at a lumber camp. He asked the foreman, "What do you guys do around here for women?". Foreman,"There's no women in the woods bud!,..but I tell you what, we've got the barrel down by the showers, it's got a hole in the side, go ahead and f**k that". "Barrel?!?!, I ain't f**kin' no barrel!!"... A couple of weeks go by and the guy is coming out of the shower and spies the barrel and thinks, "hey, ..what the hell..", and f**ks the barrel. He has a great time! He runs to the foreman and shouts,"Hey! That barrel's great!! I'm gonna f**k that barrel every day!!" foreman says,"Everyday but Wednesday..." "Huh!?!?, why not Wednesday??" "Wednesday will be your day in the barrel"... I'll be back to add to this when more time, (if I don't get banned for these, hehe) take care
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Post by DavY CrockeTT{QAW} on Sept 4, 2010 14:42:16 GMT -5
o i told this one in our member section
what does a 13 year old girl from west virginia and a bear have in common? they both lick their paws
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Post by Tombstone{QAW} on Sept 4, 2010 15:45:31 GMT -5
In Arkansas - what do a tornado and a divorce have in common? .....either way you lose the trailer.
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Post by <AL>{QAW} on Sept 4, 2010 15:57:33 GMT -5
All righty then........********** been called.....lmao
why do sheep herders do their sheep on the edge of the cliff?..........
they push back.
soldier starts his tour in the desert. Asks another soldier what they do for female entertainment in the desert and all.... old soldier says...there's the old camel out behind the latrines..... new soldier is in udder disbelief...
three weeks later the old soldier sees the new soldier out behind the latrine going at the camel........what the hell ya doing man? he says to the new soldier...........we use the camel to ride into town to visit the ladies..
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